Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Laws of the Internet

Quietus' first law of the internet:

The length and detail of any factual article on the internet is inverse to its practical utility and/or academic importance.

I first formulated this law (and indeed touched upon it here) years ago when I noted that Wikipedias article for Spiderwoman was four times as long as its article on Sergei Witte. Though particularly true of Wikipedia, this is generally true everywhere on the internet, a happy land where it is easier to find accurate information about Timecube than Kant, where it is easier to research ridiculous 9/11 conspiracy theories than the Armenian genocide, and where discussion of crap webcomics far outweighs that of fine art. Salut, internet.

Quietus second law of the internet:

The number of people on the internet who claim to have significant academic or professional qualifications so outweighs the number of people who do that it is best to assume anyone making such claims is lying.

Seriously. You have an MA in English literature and philosophy but you can't spell 'grammar'. Well, ain't that crazy?

Quietus' third law of the internet:

As the e-penis lengthens, the desire to create the next Godwins law approaches one.

Self explanatory.

Also, entirely unrelated, but does anyone know how much it costs to nominate someone for a nobel prize?

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Wacken 2008

Mud. Mead. Iron Maiden.

That's all I've got to say, except that, if you have anything but a most passing interest in metal, WHY THE FUCK WEREN'T YOU THERE? In my third year of going it remains absolutely the best gig on the fucking planet.

Still thinking about maybe writing a real post someday. This is really just to keep up the illusion I'm still alive.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Depressing realisation.

I will never, ever be able to write top quality heavy metal lyrics.

I have come to realise this, and it saddens me greatly.

The reason, of course, is because English is my first language, and therefore I am unable to come up with faux words like 'enbewered' or 'chariotest', or construct a sentence like 'Aboon mee a strange formation of clouds gathered over the giant Cromlech'.

How will I struggle on living with this knowledge? Alas, who knows...

Friday, March 28, 2008

Conformist Privilege

*** removed this post because it was kind of petulant and silly. ***

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Sorry about the blog break.

I was battling with depression.

Goddammit I have to try and keep USING this thing!

For the moment, some prime idiocy has come to my attention:

Oh yeah, wow, it's having negative health consequences from smoking the cheapest, strongest type of weed you can get every day for a month and having pure THC shot into her? I'm so shocked.

Anyone want to buy my documentary idea where I gulp down half a bottle of chekov blue every day for a month?

I'm upset that no one managed to work the Killer Skunk myth into this though. I was hoping that after ten days of exposure she would start sawing peoples heads off.

Also, saying the words 'killer skunk' has inspired me to use tags. omg!