Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Things Which Should Not Be:

1: Roadrunner United Tours

Ville Valo singing Black #1 is as insulting and painful as someone peeling off all my skin and dropping me in a vat of urine.

2: The third minute of Black Sabbath - Electric Funeral

Way to ruin a song guys. Who the hell is that in the background going 'ELECTRIC FUNERAL! ELECTRIC FUNERAL!' in a voice that I refuse to believe anyone has ever found anything but comic?

3: My Chemical Romance

OR, the story of how an average rock band turned into hideous parodies of themselves dressed as Good Charlotte impersonators by only their second album (I mean, come on guys. Even Underoath lasted longer than that)

4: My Chemical Romance fans

I saw them live when you didn't even know they existed and touched Gerard Way. And I didn't enjoy it a fortieth as much as you would. Unfortunately, you can't get in to see them because you're 12. Go play with your fucking barbies.

5: 'Hardcore' dancing

Oh PLEASE. Worst I saw for this was a Dillinger Escape Plan (awful, awful band btw) concert with wall to wall bandana wearing spacktards windmilling, but I've heard tales of Bleeding Through concerts to chill the bone. Well, okay, I suppose if your music is a jerky spastic bunch of pretentious crap there's no point doing anything even resembling normal dancing or moshing to it, but why do something so fucking stupid. Not even skanking makes you look as dumb as this. I use the inverted commas because none of the music people do this to is in any way hardcore. Hardcore = Black Flag and Bad Brains. Your music = retarded pussycore. Or something.

6: Every 'goth' under the age of 16

Okay, I was one of these once, but seriously, I should have been stoned to death with my own Cradle of Filth CD's, and I wasn't THAT bad. I mean, I at least listened to Bauhaus, and didn't own any Nightmare Before Christmas related clothing. I suppose I can tolerate these types, but only if they don't call themselves goth, punk or metal without really, really, really good reason. Like actually having claim to such a title. And I mean really good reason. Like, no-one under 16 can call themselves a punk in my book unless they stood in on guitar for the UK Subs the night they got out after spending a year in prison for urinating on a riot cop during an anti-globalisation protest.

7: Shit, I dunno. Lars Ulrik or something.

What a tosser.

See, that was still somewhat music themed!

...

...aw crap

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